This past week, I achieved the goal I set for it. It was put on the back-burner for far too long, and recently I’ve been finding time I didn’t have previously to.. well, kind of finish up the things that have been haunting me from my to-do list for the past 6 months. Its immensely satisfying and also a sharp reminder of not committing to doing too much in a short amount of time.
My week allowed for solitude. I had been having so many conversations in my head. With myself, with Him. I was reflecting on the way I talk to myself and the way I carry my hopes for the future. And I realised the sheer power of consistent, positive self-talk. I realised how much energy it takes to consciously think in a positive manner (but maybe that’s because I’m new to it?).
By conscious thinking, what I mean to say is – not having errant, meaningless thoughts, but thinking mindfully – if that makes sense? It felt like a mental sprint, haha.
But it worked. It works. It’s not like one of those skincare routines that you need to stick to for months to feel the change. I felt differently. I felt at peace. And it was what I desperately needed.
I understood then what was happening – why, at the start of my week, God had created a space in my life that left me overwhelmed with anxiety. I was faced with a giant question mark with no hope for answers. I had nowhere and no one else to turn to.
This was one of the toughest challenges for me – to let go, to trust, to whole-heartedly believe in a positive outcome despite not having any sign of it. It was like going in completely blind. Countering every negative thought with a positive one was something I just had to do. I couldn’t stay in my head – because I know what happens in there if I’m not mindful of what I think.
The question mark has still not received any answers, but my heart – although it fervently prays for a favourable response every chance it gets – is no longer anxious and impatient.
I once read that I can’t think my ambitions are too good to come true or too much for God to give me – I must show my dreams how big my God is. 🙂
I can’t doubt the authenticity of my own wishes. I just have to believe in them – for myself. So I can pray with conviction – and receive them whenever they’re meant to be. 🙂
P.S: I promise the picture is relevant to this post. I’d like to think she’s in a bit of a pickle with choosing what’s familiar & comfortable (the cake) over what’s challenging but necessary for personal growth (a banana smoothie –
because I hate bananas). This is ofcourse, open to personal interpretations, lulz.