If there’s one thing I struggle a lot with, it’s juggling between the guilt of beginning a new post after a long gap without preamble or trying to explain my absence in a plausible way. With each passing day, the struggle is greater as I sit to accumulate my thoughts in a coherent manner. Truth is, I’m still finding a balance – constantly going back and forth between committing to publish a blog post on a regular timeline (subconscious mental pressure) versus freeing my mind and letting my thoughts spill in my journal. The majority of my posts are not planned in advance, as they’re mostly reflections that come to the surface on their own when my fingers hit the keyboard. However, it hasn’t always been the case lately due to some mental roadblocks I keep hitting.
Now that that’s out of the way…
2017! You are preceded by a year that threw me into uncharted territory and did a complete 180 to the first six months. It wasn’t the new experiences that surprised me – rather, it was the impact that was permeating all areas of my life. I learned, unlearned, found some answers that I waited a painfully long time for while more questions sprung up – some that hit too close to the very foundation I was standing on. It’s only in the aftermath i.e.: now, when things have quieted down, that I realise that it’s only in the intense pushing and shoving of life’s circumstances that are shaping me to become a stronger, more patient individual. It also showed me that I wasn’t as strong as I believed I was – because only when multiple integral parts of your life are shaken up simultaneously, is your belief and willpower tested. It is easier to deal with negativity from the outside, but more difficult to reconcile within your own self when you know that it is your weaknesses that are not allowing you to grow further. Nevertheless, this is a humbling reminder that my work is never ending. I have to constantly replenish the soil.
A couple of things that I have come to understood the importance of much better, if you may, and hopefully something I can always work on such that it comes naturally to me –
Gratitude + Self-love: It’s far too easy to be swept up in difficult situations and forgetting that I have equally enough things to be grateful for – beyond materialism. I just may need to look a little closer to identify those things, and use the gifts I have been given for good – especially personal good. I am grateful to be in a position where I can help others, regardless of whether its with money, sound advice (if I have any, lulz) or lending an ear. But I need to make that same effort with myself – to not put myself down, to not overthink, to regularly do those things that liven my soul. Train myself to ensure I’m making the most of today rather than wrapped up in anxiety over an uncertain future.
Kindness: Act. Don’t react. With each encounter, strive to rise above the distastefulness in someone elses’ words. Profanity, or language used to demean, humiliate and insult is a reflection of their own illiteracy and bad character.
2017, you have already geared up full speed ahead. I cant wait to see what you bring, but more importantly, what I bring of myself. Hoping you bring more colour, joy and sweetness in our lives, just as these mini donuts did.